enlightenment

Today I went on my first house call to see a patient. A constant struggle for me has been where to draw the line. How involved should I get in my patient's lives? How much should I let myself connect with them personally and emotionally? But when I left the little apartment, instead of feeling a huge burden, I felt free. I realized that the struggle I was feeling wasn't exactly to figure out how to keep myself distanced...it was to figure out how I can really truly care for people in a "system" that tells me my patients are clients and medicine is just a business.

I know that some choose to practice medicine in a distanced, businesslike, scientific manner. They tell me that connecting with patients, working out difficult social and ethical situations is just going to cost me time and effort that in the end will not be reimbursed by any ICD9 code, insurance, Medicaid... I think it's all worth it though. I think it's worth it to hurt when things don't work out because I know that I tried. I think that my patients are humans and have families and that medicine is more than a "this drug treats that bug" job. I think that social, emotional, spiritual, cultural, financial matters all influence "health" as we know it. And Jesus certainly wasn't reimbursed properly for the healing work He did.

Someone once told me, and I won't soon forget, "If you're going to err, err on the side of love."