I admit, I failed.

I don't know who I think I am... to make a recipe, leave a key ingredient out, and just think "my banana bread always tastes good... it'll work without the baking powder." Mistake. Big mistake. After this failure, Rachel, Giada, and Julia surely will never acknowledge my presence in the cooking world ever again. I basically made a glorified frisbee. It smelled good, but I'm sure with the weight, it would never fly far. And if you caught it, you might break your finger. The other half of the batch was in a loaf pan. It would make a nice brick...for a very sturdy house. Seriously.

But if for the 317th time of making a recipe that always, always turns out wonderful you don't succeed, try try again. It's a good thing I have 3 more brown bananas...

amazing and terrible

I began working in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit on Monday. It is amazing work... to see the sickest of kids on the mend, to see kids with major injuries overcome through miraculous turnarounds, to work with families who care deeply and are devoted to doing everything possible for their children. But it is also straining work... to see kids who've been beaten within an inch of their life by their own parents or caregivers, to do everything possible but not have enough answers to save a child, to feel like I'll never know enough, to go home wishing I could take some of the "unloved" kiddos with me.

"We do not need the grace of God to stand crises, human nature and pride are sufficient, we can face the strain magnificently; but it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours in every day as a saint, to go through drudgery as a disciple, to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is inbred in us that we have to do exceptional things for God; but we have not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in mean streets, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes." --Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

finally fall

today it rained and rained and rained. but the rain brought with it some cool fall air... mmm... i love fall. i baked cookies and carved pumpkins and ate roasted pumpkin seeds with some friends and some kids from the neighborhood. they had SO much fun (and so did i!). i think i should just be a kid forever!

Things that have made my week.

1. Blueberry frozen yogurt... tastes better than ice cream and better for you, unless you add crumbled up oatmeal cookie chunks like i do... mmm.
2. Talking to strangers... it's surprisingly easy to make people smile... for example:
-->Recommending the best brownie mix in the grocery store. I'm the unofficial spokeswoman for Ghiradelli's triple chocolate brownies.
-->Making your postman laugh. My postman is missing so many teeth that he looks like a jack-o-lantern when he laughs, which makes me laugh, so it's even more worth it.
-->I made a sandwich for a homeless guy who frequently walks down my street. He was so excited that he gave me a hug and told me not to let the rain get my red suede loafers wet... those shoes- he said- were praising the Lord. As i was walking back inside, he said "you are my Cinderella!"
3. Southwest Airlines... Saved me a bundle on my Nashville-Chicago-Birmingham-Houston-Nashville flight. Know what would make me even more happy? If gas prices keep dropping (for the Memphis-Indy-Cincy-Lexington (to visit Callie)-Smoky Mtns (thanksgiving at the cabin)-Nashville-Memphis driving adventure. Know what would make me incredibly overjoyed? If someone decided to come along with me on my adventures. Traveling the country sounds fun in theory, but it's going to take some LONG books-on-tape to keep me entertained.
4. Scenic tour of Memphis neighborhoods, on foot... thanks to Anna and Sarah, Sunday morning's long run effort was a success. We ran through Binghamton, Evergreen district, Uptown, Downtown, Southbluffs, Beale St (smells awful on a Sunday morning), the Medical district, Central Gardens (where we had stealthfully buried Gatorades in someone's garden!), Cooper-Young, Overton Park, the midtown Greenline, Hein Park, and back to Binghamton. Next week we'll tour the East Memphis neighborhoods, beginning in Highpoint Terrace.

enlightenment

Today I went on my first house call to see a patient. A constant struggle for me has been where to draw the line. How involved should I get in my patient's lives? How much should I let myself connect with them personally and emotionally? But when I left the little apartment, instead of feeling a huge burden, I felt free. I realized that the struggle I was feeling wasn't exactly to figure out how to keep myself distanced...it was to figure out how I can really truly care for people in a "system" that tells me my patients are clients and medicine is just a business.

I know that some choose to practice medicine in a distanced, businesslike, scientific manner. They tell me that connecting with patients, working out difficult social and ethical situations is just going to cost me time and effort that in the end will not be reimbursed by any ICD9 code, insurance, Medicaid... I think it's all worth it though. I think it's worth it to hurt when things don't work out because I know that I tried. I think that my patients are humans and have families and that medicine is more than a "this drug treats that bug" job. I think that social, emotional, spiritual, cultural, financial matters all influence "health" as we know it. And Jesus certainly wasn't reimbursed properly for the healing work He did.

Someone once told me, and I won't soon forget, "If you're going to err, err on the side of love."

20 years later...

Who would have thought that 20 years later we'd be at the same med school and training for a marathon together... I guess a few things have changed:
1. I'm a little taller (sorry Lil Bear).
2. Thankfully, we don't wear those shorts with the elastic waistbands anymore (though they would be pretty comfortable after a big meal).
3. Haven't played a game of Hi-Ho Cherry-O or streaked around the block for a long while.
Today's shout out is yours Anna Banana. (And here's to many more years of sock tan-lines.)

daydreamin'

Here I am with Step2 six days away...and I don't want to study. It's not the actual concept of studying that's giving me a hard time, but the alternative to studying.

The problem was the way I started my month off for studying. The plan was to spend 2.5 days out in the Smoky Mountains at the cabin with my Mom. Let's just say, those 2.5 days easily turned into 8 days of enjoying the beginning of the leaves changing, hiking, sitting on the porch reading in the evenings... it didn't take much convincing to get me to stay. The cool mornings, the sunny days, and the close encounters with bears during my long runs through the rolling hills surrounding Cades Cove. You can't beat it.

The problem wasn't even those extra days I spent out east... it's just that I want to quit studying now and go back! Post-test hiking trip anyone?

Sing Along with John and Barack.

In the midst of a downright frustrating effort to arrive at Election Day with my mind made up... I was introduced a wonderful, informative, and incredibly satirical musical display of genius. Check it out. It'll have you singing along, dancing, and wishing you had grasshopper legs to leap along with Obama and the animals...and still wondering who indeed you'll vote for...http://www.jibjab.com/originals/time_for_some_campaignin.

weekend

To spice up a few weeks of studying for Step 2, I've been trying to throw in the occasional excitement...hanging up my hammock, for instance, was the highlight of Friday. Seriously. Can you possibly think of anything better than the perfect fall day swinging in a hammock on the front porch? (I think it might have been just a bit better if I subtracted the step2 study book and the IceCream truck that plays a scary "polka" song and yells "Hello..oo..oo").


Yesterday's fun event was going to an Indian festival with my friend Anju. Everyone was dressed so elegant and colorfully and we danced the night away. I'll let the pictures tell the rest...

everyday...

So I thought my blog career had ended forever when I returned from Ecuador... But I recently realized that my life is exciting EVERYDAY! I guess I was inspired by my sister Laura's witty daily blog, and some crazy happenings in my "relaxing" vacay to the Smoky Mountains last week (more to come on that)...So, I may not be reporting on snake bite victims flown in from the jungle or babies delivered on the floor of the hospital, it may not even seem exciting to anyone else, but I take joy in having realized that my life is a great adventure everyday, at home or abroad...